Symptoms of an unhealthy soul tie:
- You feel DRAINED by your connection to the other person. You give, they take and take and take.
- You feel especially VULNERABLE to the other person’s opinion, either good or bad.
- You don’t feel confident without their support. You are afraid of being abandoned by them.
- You don’t feel free to express who you really are – you HIDE your true self or you let them dictate your decisions.
- You are not able to express a different opinion – if you do, there’s a LOT of tension between you.
- You are unable to make decisions on your own – if you do and they do not agree, there’s a lot of PRESSURE to conform to their expectations.
- You feel emotionally tied to the other person even when you do not want to be.
- You can’t stop thinking about the person even though the relationship is over.
- You have an emotional reaction that is unpleasant when someone mentions their name or if you run into the other person unexpectedly.
- You feel like you can’t move on with your life; you feel tied to the past with the other person.
Can you have both an unhealthy soul tie and a healthy soul tie with the same person?
Yes, you can. Breaking the unhealthy soul tie can bring freedom to the relationship so that it becomes stronger and healthier for both of you. When we become intimate with someone – whether emotionally or physically – we build a bond with that person (a soul tie). A healthy soul tie enhances your life – you draw strength from the connection. Unhealthy soul ties have a negative effect on your life. You feel tied to someone in a way that sometimes pulls you down or holds you back, even if the person has passed away or is no longer in your life.
Some of the benefits of breaking an unhealthy soul tie are:
- You no longer feel drained by the connection to the other person.
- You experience inner peace (instead of turmoil over what they may think about you).
- You feel free to express who you really are.
- You are free to have your own opinions.
- You can make decisions that are best for you, without the pressure to conform to someone else’s expectations.
- You no longer feel emotionally dependent on the other person in an unhealthy way.
- You are able to move on with your life (if the relationship is over or the person has passed away).
Some people have expressed concerns about what will happen when they break an unhealthy soul tie with someone in their life. Will it damage the relationship? No, but it will change the way the two of you interact. If someone has been very controlling toward you, they may notice the shift in the way you respond to them. They may not like it, but it will be healthier for both of you in the long run. Overall, the benefits far outweigh the discomfort you may initially feel. A healthy relationship can only come from two people who are free to be themselves. Breaking an unhealthy soul tie gives you that freedom.
You might encounter some obstacles as you consider whether you are ready to break an unhealthy soul tie with someone. You might not be ready to let go or you may be afraid to lose the connection with the other person. Being ready to let go is a personal choice –you have to decide when it is the right time for you. Breaking an unhealthy soul tie will not damage the healthy soul tie you have – you won’t lose the connection you have. It will be stronger and clearer instead.
What obstacles might keep you from breaking an unhealthy soul-tie?
– you are afraid to lose the connection with the other person
– you are not ready to let go
– you feel responsible to make the other person happy (co-dependence)
– you feel guilty for wanting to be free to make your own decisions and have your own opinions
– you are afraid it will hurt the other person’s feelings or damage the relationship
– you are afraid of the other person’s reactions (retaliation, manipulation, etc.)
– you don’t know what life will be like on your own
Breaking an unhealthy soul tie can be emotional. It can feel like you are losing someone. But it is also very freeing. Some have remarked that it was like a pressure valve being released and they could finally relax. One person said they felt like the umbilical cord had finally been cut between them and their mother and they could now make their own decisions freely. A healthy sense of independence can be experienced when a soul tie is cut. You are finally free to be who you are meant to be – without the constant pressure to meet someone else’s expectations of you.
What are the signs of a healthy soul-tie?
– you feel strengthened by your connection to the other person
– you feel comforted by the other person’s support
– you feel more confident
– you experience a greater sense of well being
– you feel free to express who you really are in the relationship
– you are able to express a different opinion without fear of damaging the relationship
– you make decisions without feeling pressured to meet the other’s expectations
– you feel free to grow and become your best self
If you want to break an unhealthy soul-tie, you can do so today. You formed the soul-tie through your choices – through an act of your will. Therefore, you can now break the soul-tie, if you wish, also through an act of your will.
The Step: Soul Ties can help you determine if any unhealthy soul ties are holding you back.
Step: Soul Ties
Go to a place where you will not be interrupted. Take a few deep breaths, letting them out slowly to help you relax and to quiet your mind.
Say these statements/questions out loud and then wait for an answer. An answer may come as a feeling, a thought, a picture in your mind, a word, a memory or just an inner knowing. You can do this alone or with a friend. If no answer comes to the first question, this may not be the right time for this step. You can come back to this at another time.
“Spirit of Truth, is there anyone I have an unhealthy soul tie with? (pause and wait for an answer)
“Is there anything I need to forgive this person for?” (pause and wait for an answer)
Focus on an image in your mind of this person and say out loud, “I forgive you for __________________. I release you from the harm you caused me. I let it go.” (pause, release any emotions that come up)
Then say, “I break the unhealthy soul tie between me and you. I send back any part of your soul that I have kept and I take back to myself any part of me that you kept. I release myself of this connection in my soul. God, please restore my connection with You in this area of my soul.”
Take deep cleansing breaths – opening your heart to receive God’s Love. ❤
Forgiveness is an important part of breaking an unhealthy soul tie. If you are holding a grudge against someone, it ties you to them emotionally. If you try to break the soul tie, but you don’t forgive them, you won’t be able to break the power they have over your life. You’ll still feel connected to them, even if that person is someone you’d rather forget. If you need help choosing to forgive (you know you need to, but you are having trouble), here’s a helpful article (look for the PDF download).
To learn more about Soul Ties, you can read this post: Human Soul Ties
Excerpt from Freedom through Forgiveness: The Power of Forgiveness Can Change Your Life, Second Edition © 2012. Reprinted with the author’s permission.
There is an AWESOME video of Graham Cooke sharing a word from God’s heart about His Love for you. It will deeply touch your heart, if you let it. Listen to it over and over until it really sinks in. I’ve written some of the words he says (but not all), but there’s nothing like listening to them so they get down into your soul. ❤
The Lord says that there is nothing that you can do that would make Him love you more,
there is also nothing you can do that will make Him love you less.
He loves you
because He loves you,
because He loves you,
because He loves you,
because He loves you,
because He loves you,
because He loves you,
because He loves you,
because that is what He is like.
It is His nature to love and you will always be the beloved.
What will change, says the Lord, is your ability to receive My Love.
I challenge you to open your heart to Me,
and you will receive
more of My Love than you have ever experienced before.
I dare you – give Me your heart, give Me whatever your obstacle is.
I love you as you are.
You are the beloved.
It is your job, says the Lord, to be loved outrageously.
I AM He that loves you outrageously!
My love comes to set you free from rejection, and from shame,
and from low self esteem, and from despair, and from abuse.
My love will fight fear. It will fight fear in you,
it will fight fear around you.
Beloved, you are My beloved.
So be loved!
One of the ways God speaks to us is through dreams. Has this ever happened to you?
How can you tell when it’s God speaking to you? Sometimes it is obvious and other times, you might not be so sure.
Here’s a dream I had recently where it was obvious to me that God was speaking to me.
I dreamed that I was in a house. I picked up some papers from my father’s desk. It was an article that I was interviewed for back in 1993. My father was coming down the hall toward the room I was in and we were talking about the papers. As soon as he was in the room, we heard a loud noise and wind started blowing very strongly. I realized it was a tornado and immediately my father and I went toward each other. We grabbed each other’s arms so we wouldn’t get separated in the storm. He said something but the storm was so loud, I couldn’t hear him. The wind died down for a few seconds and I heard him say, “Would you turn …” but then the wind increased and I couldn’t hear the rest. I said, “What?” really loud, trying to be heard above the noise. He spoke again, “Would you turn your head so I can tell you I love you?”
This time I heard him clearly. I suddenly realized I had lost some of my hearing in my left ear. This surprised me because I didn’t know this and he did. When I turned my right ear toward him, I heard him clearly – he was so close I could feel his breath as he spoke.
Immediately I woke up – my husband had awakened me because it was time to go to a doctor’s appointment for him to be cleared for surgery.
I knew this was a dream from God. How did I know?
- I remembered the dream in detail. When God wants to speak to us in a dream, then obviously we will remember it clearly. Many times I remember little bits and pieces of a dream, but when I can clearly remember the whole dream in detail, I pay attention. God may be speaking to me.
- The dream involved my father. From my personal experience with God, whenever I dream about my natural father, it represents God, my heavenly Father. That may not be true of everyone – this is just how God relates to me.
- There was a clear message – God wants me to know that He loves me. The feeling I had when I woke up stayed with me all day. It was more than just a natural father’s love – it had a depth and completeness to it that is hard to describe. I felt embraced by this love in my entire being – it created not only comfort but a strong sense of security and protection. I was safe and cared for in His love!
- I couldn’t stop thinking about the dream all day long. Many times when God is trying to get your attention, He will make sure the dream stays fresh in your mind until you get the entire message.
There are many layers of interpretation in this dream as it relates to my personal life. One obvious one for me was the timing of the dream. I had it on the day my husband was going to doctors appointments to be cleared for major surgery. What perfect timing to be reminded that God has been with me in the past during turbulent times and He is with me now. And He loves me – He will take care of us. ❤
I have also heard that often dreams from God involve bright colors – you’ll remember a specific color that was in your dream (i.e. someone was wearing a green shirt or you saw a red stop sign). I don’t recall any specific colors in this dream. It has been my experience that color does play a role – if I have a difficult dream that is all in shades of gray and black, it is often a revelation of the strategy of the enemy. I pay attention to those too and ask the Lord what I need to know. It may reveal what is happening in the unseen realm regarding me, my family or something happening in my region or nation. Often He will show me something I need to be praying about.
Sometimes dreams are confusing – the best thing to do is simply ask God to show you what He is saying, if the dream is from Him. Meditate on any themes or feelings you had in the dream. Sometimes you’ll get greater clarity if you take the time to write it down or tell it to a friend. But if no insight comes, don’t worry about it. God has ways of getting your attention. He’ll get the message through to you one way or another!
Have you ever had a dream that you knew was from God? What did it tell you? How did it help you? Feel free to share it with us below.
“I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.” John 14:18
This Scripture keeps coming to my mind this morning. Jesus said this in the context of the Holy Spirit coming as our helper. He seems to imply that the coming of the Holy Spirit is the same as Him coming. And He says He won’t leave them as “orphans” – as though He is their father.
I have noticed the number one thing that holds us back from experiencing the “abundant life” that Jesus promised is the “orphan mindset” – aka victim mentality. We all struggle with times of feeling alone, abandoned, unloved, uncared for, etc – we feel like we are on our own in the cold, cruel world.
But Jesus said, ” I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.” The main question is – Do we believe this? When we choose to believe He is always with us, something special happens – we start noticing Him around us. It opens our eyes to see His goodness and provision. However if we don’t believe this, we become blind to it and it increases our feelings of abandonment.
I think this is part of “awakening” to your identity as a son/daughter of God – believing the Lord’s love and goodness toward us that He never leaves us. “As a woman thinks in her heart, so is she.” Proverbs 23:7 (KWV)
What do you think?
We all long for Love – it is a basic human need. It is essential to our survival – both mentally and emotionally.
Yet it can feel very elusive – you think you found love and then it disappears. We desperately need a consistent, reliable source of Love in order to be happy and healthy.
For years, I searched for this Love. It was fleeting – I’d experience it here and there, but I never knew how to access Love when I needed it.
But then I read a book that totally changed my perspective. That book directed me how to find the Love I was looking for! And I found it! It totally changed my experience of life. Now I can access a reliable, constant source of Love ANYTIME I need it.
Can you say that?
I want to share with you the Truth that set me free from the search for Love. It has really changed me inside. I am so much more secure and happy. I no longer feel like I’m always looking for Love – because I already have access to it 24/7.
The book I read was Experiencing Father’s Embrace by Jack Frost. One line in the book changed me. He said, “You have already received all of the love of God that you will ever receive.” When you open your heart to Christ and invite His Spirit to come into you, He brings all of God’s Love. You have it – right there inside of you!
So instead of searching outside of myself for this Love, I discovered it was hidden in plain sight – inside my spirit! Then I had to figure out how to access it. I asked the Holy Spirit to show me how to tap into this Love. I think it’s very individual – I can’t really explain how to do it other than to say, ask Him and He will show you – it’s inside of you, inside of God’s Spirit in your inner being.
I also realized that anytime I feel completely alone, unloved, unwanted, rejected, abandoned, etc. – that is a LIE. I am being deceived in my mind. Because if God’s Spirit is inside of me, then I am NEVER alone, unloved, unwanted, rejected, abandoned – NEVER. In fact, one day He showed me that since we are one with Him, it’s actually impossible to be alone. He never leaves us.
The challenge was learning how to disbelieve the lies that felt so true – that were making me feel bad. I had to learn how to believe what God said and learn how to access the Love of God inside of me so that I could feel it. I know people say, “Don’t go by your feelings.” but in reality, we are emotional creatures for a reason. God has feelings and so do we. They are meant to help us.
I am created for Love – God made me that way. He made you that way too. And you can FEEL His Love every single day. I promise. Ask Him to show you how. It really is possible – even for YOU.
Now I can “soak” or “drink” up His Love in my heart, mind, soul, spirit and body anytime I want to – when I’m having a bad day, or I’m stressed or whatever. I’ve noticed since I started doing this that I no longer fear being rejected by other people. I realized that if someone rejects me (or doesn’t like me), it’s THEIR issue, not mine. I am already LOVED and valued and appreciated by the One that matters most in my life. We are commanded to Love each other and if they don’t love me, that’s their problem to deal with. I can just be ME!
I hope this inspires and encourages you. You are not alone. You are Loved. You can receive His love today – just ask Him to come and fill your heart with His love until you feel it. Open your heart and let it come in.
Have you experienced this yourself? If so, please comment below. How do you do it?
Looking for more? This article appears in a free ebook called Intimate Relationship with God – you can download it here. 🙂
Hey, Movie Watchers, have you seen the new film “Holy Ghost”? It’s pretty “out there” for most people. It’s definitely challenging – most people don’t know how to describe the Holy Spirit (or Holy Ghost) much less make a movie about Him. If this topic intrigues you, you might enjoy this film. It’s not a dry documentary. It’s one man’s passion to find God actually engaging with everyday people. It’s worth watching, in my opinion.
And the best part? It’s free to watch today and tomorrow if you go to this link: http://holyghost.wpfilm.com/
Offer expires Monday night, 9/8/2014 at 5pm PST or 8pm CST.
As told by Roland Buck
“On the night of June 18, 1978, I went to bed at my usual time with no advance notice that something was about to happen which would change my entire life!
About three o’clock in the morning, I was abruptly awakened when someone grasped my arms and sat me right up in bed! The room was dark because the shades were pulled, but there was just enough light from outside so I could detect the outline of a huge being.
To say the least, I was frightened because he was so strong I couldn’t free myself from his grip. My fear didn’t last, however, because I quickly became aware of a supernatural presence, and it didn’t take me long to realize that this heavenly being was an angel from God. He confirmed this, turned loose of my shoulders, and told me not to be afraid! Then he told me that God had sent him because the prayers of God’s people had been heard, and he was to deliver the message that their prayers had not only been heard, but had been answered! Hallelujah! I wasn’t dreaming, it wasn’t a vision, it was something very, very real!
As we continued talking, he spoke so loudly I was sure he was going to wake up my wife who was asleep next to me. He didn’t, but I wish he had!
My dog, Queenie, comes into our room once in awhile when she gets lonesome, and sleeps beside the bed. She was there that night and was interested in everything the angel had to say. She was right beside me and I could feel her head turning every which way against my leg as first the angel spoke and then I answered! It was an unusual visit!
It sounds strange, and I imagine some people might question my credibility. This is not important; God’s message is, and he had something he wanted me to bring to the world!
This unique conversation lasted for two solid hours as the angel shared magnificent truths from the Word of God with me. He discussed the unfolding plan of God for the entire world and brought me warm feelings from God’s own heart as to the concern he has for people. His love for people is so great, he is a lot more interested in them than he is in procedure! He LOVES people!”
I read this book back in the 1990’s. It was written in the 1970’s. But the stories and the truth contained is still SO relevant today. I just re-read it recently and was so encouraged.
It’s a great book and the sequel to it is also on that site. If you search for Roland Buck on YouTube, you can find recordings of him preaching. He went home to heaven in 1979, shortly after these experiences were published.
I hope you enjoy this treasure!