Symptoms of an unhealthy soul tie:
- You feel DRAINED by your connection to the other person. You give, they take and take and take.
- You feel especially VULNERABLE to the other person’s opinion, either good or bad.
- You don’t feel confident without their support. You are afraid of being abandoned by them.
- You don’t feel free to express who you really are – you HIDE your true self or you let them dictate your decisions.
- You are not able to express a different opinion – if you do, there’s a LOT of tension between you.
- You are unable to make decisions on your own – if you do and they do not agree, there’s a lot of PRESSURE to conform to their expectations.
- You feel emotionally tied to the other person even when you do not want to be.
- You can’t stop thinking about the person even though the relationship is over.
- You have an emotional reaction that is unpleasant when someone mentions their name or if you run into the other person unexpectedly.
- You feel like you can’t move on with your life; you feel tied to the past with the other person.
Can you have both an unhealthy soul tie and a healthy soul tie with the same person?
Yes, you can. Breaking the unhealthy soul tie can bring freedom to the relationship so that it becomes stronger and healthier for both of you. When we become intimate with someone – whether emotionally or physically – we build a bond with that person (a soul tie). A healthy soul tie enhances your life – you draw strength from the connection. Unhealthy soul ties have a negative effect on your life. You feel tied to someone in a way that sometimes pulls you down or holds you back, even if the person has passed away or is no longer in your life.
Some of the benefits of breaking an unhealthy soul tie are:
- You no longer feel drained by the connection to the other person.
- You experience inner peace (instead of turmoil over what they may think about you).
- You feel free to express who you really are.
- You are free to have your own opinions.
- You can make decisions that are best for you, without the pressure to conform to someone else’s expectations.
- You no longer feel emotionally dependent on the other person in an unhealthy way.
- You are able to move on with your life (if the relationship is over or the person has passed away).
Some people have expressed concerns about what will happen when they break an unhealthy soul tie with someone in their life. Will it damage the relationship? No, but it will change the way the two of you interact. If someone has been very controlling toward you, they may notice the shift in the way you respond to them. They may not like it, but it will be healthier for both of you in the long run. Overall, the benefits far outweigh the discomfort you may initially feel. A healthy relationship can only come from two people who are free to be themselves. Breaking an unhealthy soul tie gives you that freedom.
You might encounter some obstacles as you consider whether you are ready to break an unhealthy soul tie with someone. You might not be ready to let go or you may be afraid to lose the connection with the other person. Being ready to let go is a personal choice –you have to decide when it is the right time for you. Breaking an unhealthy soul tie will not damage the healthy soul tie you have – you won’t lose the connection you have. It will be stronger and clearer instead.
What obstacles might keep you from breaking an unhealthy soul-tie?
– you are afraid to lose the connection with the other person
– you are not ready to let go
– you feel responsible to make the other person happy (co-dependence)
– you feel guilty for wanting to be free to make your own decisions and have your own opinions
– you are afraid it will hurt the other person’s feelings or damage the relationship
– you are afraid of the other person’s reactions (retaliation, manipulation, etc.)
– you don’t know what life will be like on your own
Breaking an unhealthy soul tie can be emotional. It can feel like you are losing someone. But it is also very freeing. Some have remarked that it was like a pressure valve being released and they could finally relax. One person said they felt like the umbilical cord had finally been cut between them and their mother and they could now make their own decisions freely. A healthy sense of independence can be experienced when a soul tie is cut. You are finally free to be who you are meant to be – without the constant pressure to meet someone else’s expectations of you.
What are the signs of a healthy soul-tie?
– you feel strengthened by your connection to the other person
– you feel comforted by the other person’s support
– you feel more confident
– you experience a greater sense of well being
– you feel free to express who you really are in the relationship
– you are able to express a different opinion without fear of damaging the relationship
– you make decisions without feeling pressured to meet the other’s expectations
– you feel free to grow and become your best self
If you want to break an unhealthy soul-tie, you can do so today. You formed the soul-tie through your choices – through an act of your will. Therefore, you can now break the soul-tie, if you wish, also through an act of your will.
The Step: Soul Ties can help you determine if any unhealthy soul ties are holding you back.
Step: Soul Ties
Go to a place where you will not be interrupted. Take a few deep breaths, letting them out slowly to help you relax and to quiet your mind.
Say these statements/questions out loud and then wait for an answer. An answer may come as a feeling, a thought, a picture in your mind, a word, a memory or just an inner knowing. You can do this alone or with a friend. If no answer comes to the first question, this may not be the right time for this step. You can come back to this at another time.
“Spirit of Truth, is there anyone I have an unhealthy soul tie with? (pause and wait for an answer)
“Is there anything I need to forgive this person for?” (pause and wait for an answer)
Focus on an image in your mind of this person and say out loud, “I forgive you for __________________. I release you from the harm you caused me. I let it go.” (pause, release any emotions that come up)
Then say, “I break the unhealthy soul tie between me and you. I send back any part of your soul that I have kept and I take back to myself any part of me that you kept. I release myself of this connection in my soul. God, please restore my connection with You in this area of my soul.”
Take deep cleansing breaths – opening your heart to receive God’s Love. ❤
Forgiveness is an important part of breaking an unhealthy soul tie. If you are holding a grudge against someone, it ties you to them emotionally. If you try to break the soul tie, but you don’t forgive them, you won’t be able to break the power they have over your life. You’ll still feel connected to them, even if that person is someone you’d rather forget. If you need help choosing to forgive (you know you need to, but you are having trouble), here’s a helpful article (look for the PDF download).
To learn more about Soul Ties, you can read this post: Human Soul Ties
Excerpt from Freedom through Forgiveness: The Power of Forgiveness Can Change Your Life, Second Edition © 2012. Reprinted with the author’s permission.
Being baptized in the Spirit of God is beyond wonderful! If you have never experienced it, you are really missing out. 🙂
John the Baptist said, “I indeed baptized you with water, but He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit.” (Mark 1:8) He was referring to Jesus Christ. John’s baptism by water was a sign of someone willing to repent and make a change in their life to follow the Lord.
The baptism with the Holy Spirit is a sign of surrender to the Lord – to be willing to be completely filled to overflowing or “immersed” in His Spirit (baptism means immersed). For most people this is a separate experience from their initial decision to follow the Lord. They want all that God has for them – they want more of Him so they ask to be baptized in the Holy Spirit.
I was a follower of Jesus Christ for 5 years before I even heard of the baptism of the Holy Spirit. I was very surprised that no one had told me about it before – especially after I experienced it and saw what a HUGE difference in made in my walk with the Lord. It opened up a whole new realm of exquisite experience with Jesus. I could feel His presence – like right there in the room! I could pray for someone who was sick and they actually got better. Before that experience, if I told someone “I’ll pray for you”, I didn’t have a lot of confidence that anything would change for them. After being baptized in the Spirit, I could literally feel the power of God in my hands. It’s an absolutely wonderful experience and it doesn’t stop. You can ask God to baptize you with His Spirit and He will do it over and over at different times in your life. You can begin to live “full” of His Spirit – full of joy, peace, love, patience, etc. (Galatians 5 – the fruit of the Spirit)
In the book of Acts, Paul went to a city called Ephesus. There he found some believers. He said to them, “Did you receive the Holy Spirit when you believed?”
So they said to him, “We have not so much as heard whether there is a Holy Spirit.” (see – just like me!)
And he said to them, “Into what then were you baptized?”
So they said, “Into John’s baptism.”
Then Paul said, “John indeed baptized with a baptism of repentance, saying to the people that they should believe on Him who would come after him, that is, on Christ Jesus.”
When they heard this, they were baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. And when Paul had laid hands on them, the Holy Spirit came upon them, and they spoke with tongues and prophesied. (Acts 19:2-6)
This shows you that you can change your life and and be water baptized in Christ and still not be baptized in the Spirit. It’s something that happens afterwards. It’s not just having the Holy Spirit inside of you, it’s being immersed, filled to overflowing with God’s Spirit.
So how do I get it?
You just ask for it.
“If a son asks for bread from any father among you, will he give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent instead of a fish? Or if he asks for an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!” (Luke 11:11-13)
Jesus also told his disciples that receiving the Holy Spirit would give them power.
And being assembled together with them, He commanded them not to depart from Jerusalem, but to wait for the Promise of the Father, “which,” He said, “you have heard from Me; for John truly baptized with water, but you shall be baptized with the Holy Spirit not many days from now. You shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you.” (Acts 1:4,5 & 8a)
So even though they were already followers of Jesus, He told them to wait for the baptism of the Holy Spirit. That it would empower them to do what He was leading them to do.
Jesus had already told them in John 14:12,
“Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father.”
Jesus did some AMAZING things and we get to do them too – by following His Spirit’s leading.
When I experienced the baptism of the Holy Spirit, it really opened me up. It was like a brand new journey in learning how to walk with Jesus. I learned how to speak in tongues in prayer and worship – that was completely new to me. I learned how to hear the voice of the Lord and tell others what He was saying (called prophecy in the Bible). I learned how to pray for someone who was sick and I saw them recover – maybe not every time, but much more frequently that ever before. I learned how to protect myself from supernatural evil – like spirits of heaviness or fear that would trouble me at night. I learned A LOT – and I still am. I rely on the Holy Spirit to teach me whatever I need to know.
So if you’d like to be baptized in the Holy Spirit, just say, “Jesus, I’d like to be baptized in the Holy Spirit. I open my heart to you – fill me up please!” Some people have an immediate experience – they feel something or they start speaking in an unknown language (which the Bible calls “tongues”). Some people don’t experience anything right away but it comes later. You can pray and the Lord to fill you up as many times as you want. There’s no limit!
Some people ask for another person to pray for them to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit. Like in the book of Acts, Paul “laid hands on them, the Holy Spirit came upon them, and they spoke with tongues and prophesied.” You can do that too, if you wish. It can help to increase your faith to have someone else pray for you who is already baptized in the Spirit. It is a beautiful experience to share with others.
If you follow Jesus, you already have the Holy Spirit inside of you – in your spirit. That’s where you are one with God. This is just a deeper experience of being immersed in the Spirit and it’s awesome!! 🙂
If you have any questions about this, feel free to post it below. There’s some great books on this topic if you want to learn more – here’s one to start with: Baptized in the Spirit: God’s Presence Resting Upon You With Power by Randy Clark
Imagine sitting outside with Jesus one night, staring into the dark, starry sky. It’s so peaceful. A soft breeze playfully brushes your hair toward your face.
You lean back on your arms as you sit on the grass looking up. You crane your neck as far back as you can while looking from side to side to capture the view. Around you night creatures begin to stir. You hear a rustle in the bushes nearby. A twig cracks in the distance and you sit up to look around while the crickets sing their evening song.
The smell of moisture hangs in the night air. It’s not cold – the temperature is perfect for an evening like this. ❤
You drink in the stillness of just being at this place and time with Him whom your soul loves. You close your eyes and gently lean toward Jesus until your head rests on His shoulder. He inclines His head until it rests on yours while putting his arm around you. No words are needed – just being together is simply enough.
Take some time to rest in Him now as you imagine yourself in this scene. Let your heart soak in His presence for a few minutes. He is here with you right now. 🙂
One of the major blockages to learning how to use the gift of discernment is FEAR. We are raised to be afraid of what we don’t understand and especially what we can’t see or perceive with our natural senses. Through movies, television, books and other media, we are taught that these things are “creepy”.
I’m sure that’s part of the enemy’s marketing scheme – to make us think that the unseen realm is scary, unpredictable and generally dangerous. I’ve seen a lot of people with beautiful gifts in discernment “shut down” because religious leaders in their lives made them feel ashamed or inferior for knowing about the unseen realm. Anything they couldn’t easily explain or describe was considered some form of evil or witchcraft or “forbidden”. I am so sorry if this has ever happened to you.
So you might feel a little cautious about exploring this realm or the idea of experiencing the unseen realm. You might be
- afraid of what you might see
- afraid of what you might feel
- afraid of what you might hear
- afraid of being labeled a “witch”
- afraid of the dark and what might jump out and “get you”
- afraid of the unknown
- afraid of the unseen realm
- afraid of what you don’t understand
- afraid of your own gifts and what opening that door might mean in the future
- afraid of (insert your fear here)
I know I was VERY afraid of the unseen realm. It really hampered the development of my confidence in using my gifts. It took a LONG time before I realized fear didn’t have to be associated with the gift of discernment.
As part of learning how to overcome my fears, I discovered this little exercise that really helped me. I did the Fear Finder exercise over and over – each time using a different fear (because I had many fears). I did this over a period of a year or so (as fears came up). Little by little my fears disappeared and I can honestly say that now, I’m not afraid of the unseen realm. I am confident and secure. Do I still occasionally get creeped out? Sure, but then I realize that it’s just a scare tactic and I snap out of it. I know what to do when I encounter fear and I know how to get rid of it easily. Maybe I’ll share that strategy in a future post. 🙂
Step: Fear Finder
Go to a place where you will not be interrupted. Take a few deep breaths, letting them out slowly to help you relax and to quiet your mind.
Say these statements/questions out loud and then wait for an answer. An answer may come as a feeling, a thought, a picture in your mind, a word, a memory or just an inner knowing. You can do this alone or with a friend. If no answer comes to the first question, this may not be the right time for this step. Take a break and try again later.
Focus on a specific fear you have and ask out loud,
“Spirit of Truth, where did this fear come from?” (pause and wait for an answer)
“Who taught me this fear?” (pause and wait for an answer)
“I forgive _(name)_ for teaching me this fear. I release them from the harm they caused me. I no longer choose to partner with this fear. I let it go.”
Take deep cleansing breaths, release the negative emotions and let them go.
“Spirit of Truth, what can I have in exchange?” (pause and wait for an answer)
“I receive _______ in exchange for my fear of _____.”
(pause and open your heart to receive)
Try it out! I was amazed how many fears this removed from my mind and my heart – instantly! It wasn’t hard at all. Sometimes I got mad when I realized how I got the fear in the first place and I had to work through that in order to forgive and let it go. The book talks about dealing with forgiveness and how to do it when you don’t really want to forgive. But it’s totally worth it because now I’m FREE! I’m no longer afraid like I used to be. 🙂
After you do the exercise, would you mind coming back here and sharing your experience? I often hear stories of how this little exercise has helped people (I share it whenever anyone mentions fear and sometimes I do the process with friends I’m with). It really works!
The Lord keeps bringing this scripture to mind for me to think about. I thought you might enjoy thinking about it too.
For thus says the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel:
“In returning and rest you shall be saved;
In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.”
But you would not. Isaiah 30:15
It really does “save” me (rescue me from stress and anxiety), whenever I remember to return and rest in Him. Rest that He has a plan that I cannot improve upon, that I don’t have to figure out, that I can trust Him to guide me and take care of everything that concerns me.
It really does give me strength to quiet my mind as I rest in Him. Trusting Him gives me confidence. When I’m worried about something, I tend to talk about it. When I’m trusting Him, I notice that both my mind and my mouth are quieter. That gives me peace and strength (conserves my emotional energy).
“But you would not.” – that tells me it doesn’t just magically happen. This is a choice I make. My will opens the doorway to this benefit of rest, confidence, peace and salvation from stress and worry.
This reminds me of quote I love:
“I dream of a people who know that their times are in the hands of their Lord.
They rest with confidence and full assurance knowing that He has laid a plan that they cannot improve upon and that He is directing their future.
So they rest in Him,
waiting for the sound of His voice
and doing with all their heart . . .
whatever is before them to do.”
– Don Nori, Love Shack
It’s important to know the sound of His voice – knowing when God is directing you. Do you know God’s voice? If not, there’s several posts on this site that can help you with that:
Let me know if you get any insight from this scripture. This was mine today. 🙂
Many times we experience spiritual attacks because of wounds we have inside (emotional or spiritual). We are often unconscious that we have these wounds. We tend to move on with life without dealing with them, usually because we simply don’t know how. These wounds often bring curses or “open doors” to the realm of darkness.
A friend sent me this wonderful video that helps to deal with those hidden wounds. Jim Banks talks for a few minutes and then he does a “prayer process”, as he calls it. He covers several things in his prayer and you will be surprised by how many seem to impact you directly. Many people say listening to this helped them sleep better than they have in years!
He also does some specific things during this prayer that can help with spiritual attacks – he breaks curses and disconnects you from things that may be harassing or influencing you. He helps your body release anxiety and stress that you may not know you are carrying.
I recommend listening to it at a time that you can pay attention without distraction, just before bedtime. The video is a just under an hour. Listening to the prayer makes you very relaxed and sleepy (hence the suggestion to listen before bed).
Once you’ve listened to the whole thing, you can go back the next day and listen to just the prayer process. I’ve listened to it several times and I always get something new. He says on his blog that some people make it part of their “getting ready for bed” ritual, to help them relax and sleep peacefully. 🙂
The video is on YouTube – it’s called Effective Trauma Release — [deeper healing in the spirit]. Here it is:
There’s a copy of this “prayer process” in his book, The Effects of Trauma and How to Deal with It.
If you want more in-depth help, Jim and his wife offer individual prayer counseling sessions by phone, skype or Facebook messenger video call. They also offer 1-3 days intensives if you want to meet with them in person. They are currently located near Nashville, Tennessee. Here’s the details of how to make an appointment: https://www.houseofhealingministries.org/personal-ministry.html.
After you listen to the video, please come back to this blog and let me know how it helped you. Your testimony may encourage someone else!
There is an AWESOME video of Graham Cooke sharing a word from God’s heart about His Love for you. It will deeply touch your heart, if you let it. Listen to it over and over until it really sinks in. I’ve written some of the words he says (but not all), but there’s nothing like listening to them so they get down into your soul. ❤
The Lord says that there is nothing that you can do that would make Him love you more,
there is also nothing you can do that will make Him love you less.
He loves you
because He loves you,
because He loves you,
because He loves you,
because He loves you,
because He loves you,
because He loves you,
because He loves you,
because that is what He is like.
It is His nature to love and you will always be the beloved.
What will change, says the Lord, is your ability to receive My Love.
I challenge you to open your heart to Me,
and you will receive
more of My Love than you have ever experienced before.
I dare you – give Me your heart, give Me whatever your obstacle is.
I love you as you are.
You are the beloved.
It is your job, says the Lord, to be loved outrageously.
I AM He that loves you outrageously!
My love comes to set you free from rejection, and from shame,
and from low self esteem, and from despair, and from abuse.
My love will fight fear. It will fight fear in you,
it will fight fear around you.
Beloved, you are My beloved.
So be loved!
I’ve been seeking the Lord for over 35 years. I’ve been in thousands of church meetings and Bible studies – I can’t recall a single time this was ever mentioned as a key to being close to God.
I was amazed when I discovered it. I wish I’d known this sooner. I could have enjoyed the Lord’s love and presence so much more over the years.
It all started one day when the Holy Spirit whispered into my heart, “You can be as free as you want to be.” I was shocked. I had been carrying a lot of emotional baggage all my life – fear, insecurity, low self-esteem, etc. I’d tried all kinds of methods to get free, but it seemed like such a slow, hard process. I was so discouraged – then I heard His whisper.
It gave me such HOPE!
I desperately wanted to be at peace, to be confident and to be a woman of faith that trusted God. I did not want to be this insecure girl full of fear who was always wondering what was wrong with me. Can you relate? (Maybe a little?)
So I started pursuing emotional healing with all my heart AND I finally found a method that worked for me. I was amazed how fast I was getting free of lifelong fears and insecurities. It was like going through an extreme makeover emotionally. I could hardly believe how much I was changing into the woman I wanted to be.
The key was: The more healed I was inside, the more open and trusting I was able to be with God.
As I was healed from emotional pain from my past, it opened me up to trust God deeply in ways I had struggled to trust Him before. I discovered so many lies I believed subconsciously about myself, about God and about how life works. As the lies came to light, one by one, I was able to let them go and receive the truth.
It was so incredibly liberating – I had no idea what a shift it would make in my perspective. I got healed of things I didn’t even know were broken! Words feel so inadequate in trying to explain to you how BIG this was – emotional healing not only set ME free, it opened up a whole new WORLD in my relationship with God!!
Would you like to know what method worked for me? I tried so many different things, but very few seemed to have lasting effects. I finally found a very simple method and wrote it down. When I shared it with friends, they also had big breakthroughs in their own healing. I started carrying around photocopies of my notes because every time someone was helped, they asked for a copy so they could share it with someone else.
I finally put them in a little book. It’s not very long – the main point is to DO the method, not just read about it. I purposely made it short so people could just jump right in and start getting healed.
Thanks for listening to my story. I have so much peace now. I feel utterly secure – confident in who God made me to be. I wish I had words to describe how much better my life is now – it’s blessing upon blessing with no fear of the future. Yes, I still have a rough day once in awhile, but NOTHING compared to what it was like before.
If you are interested in the book, here’s the link.
Can you relate to my story at all? If so, I’d love to hear from you.
What do you do when you know you should have a desire to seek the Lord, but you just don’t have it?
I recall when I first “fell in love” with Jesus. It was so powerful! I couldn’t believe how good I felt and how much I could feel His love for me. It was like falling in love, except it wasn’t with a natural man – it was with Jesus!
I remember trying to explain this to my friends – they didn’t get it. But Jesus was SO REAL to me and I KNEW for the first time in my life, really knew I was loved by Him.
But then the drudgery of daily life took over.
I wanted to keep my passion and fire for Jesus, but it was disappearing and I didn’t know what to do. I was also afraid to tell anyone because they might judge me.
Have you ever felt that way? LIke you wanted to be close to God but the desire to seek Him just was not there?
I have great news! I figured out what to do and it has worked for me many, many times since then. And it’s super easy!
But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Matthew 6:33
How to Get Your Fire for God back
First, just admit it. Sometimes it’s hard to recognize that you are losing your fire – it happens very slowly and quietly. If you are not around other people who are passionate about Jesus, it can be even harder to recognize – there’s no one to stir you up! But eventually you will realize it. It’s important to admit it – that’s the first step. Admit it to yourself – “I don’t feel like seeking God. My heart is cold.” This is humbling – it kills your pride.
Then, tell Jesus that you feel cold toward Him. I know you probably don’t want to, but this is important. Acknowledge that you WISH you had a desire to seek Him and His ways, but you just don’t. Ask Him to forgive you for the lack of desire to seek Him.
Lastly, ask Jesus to give you a desire to seek Him. I know that doesn’t make sense, but honestly – where do you think you got the desire to seek God in the first place? From Him! We are dependent on Him even for the desire to seek Him.
“No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him.” John 6:44
You may not have an “instant” experience of suddenly being passionate about God again. What I’ve noticed when I’ve prayed this prayer is that it takes about 24-48 hours to take effect. I often forget about the prayer and then a couple of days later I notice I suddenly have a desire to seek the Lord. It happens spontaneously, at least for me.
So – try it! I encourage you to choose to seek the Lord. He is worthy and you won’t regret it. Life with Him is AWESOME!
Here’s an example of a prayer you can pray:
Jesus, I’m sorry. I have no desire to seek You right now. I don’t know why. I feel cold in my heart and I want to be different inside. Please restore the desire to seek You in my heart. Thank you. Amen.
Let me know in the comments below what happened after you prayed that prayer. I love to hear how God changes lives. He’s changed mine over and over again. He’ll do it for you too!
I wrote an ebook to help you develop an intimate relationship with God. It’s free! You can download it by clicking on the link below. I hope it helps you get closer to God. That’s my heart for each one of you who finds this blog – that you might KNOW HIM. ❤
Free Ebook: Intimate Relationship with God by Sandy Walker
This short ebook will help you draw closer to God, to know Him more intimately than you ever thought possible. In this book I share what I’ve learned from walking with Him for over 35 years – things like how to pray and hear from God, how to cultivate an intimate friendship with Him, how to experience God’s presence in your daily life as well as how to receive the Love of God in a tangible way. I also include simple, practical exercises that will help you to be more aware of God’s presence, His direction and Love throughout the day. If you’re looking for a deeper walk with God, I encourage you to check out this little book – it’s free! 🙂
When I was younger it was so hard to find anyone who knew God like I wanted to know Him – so I wrote this little ebook as a candle to light their way. 🙂
Feel free to share it with your friends and family. ❤