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Tension in Relationships Caused by Discernment
Recently the Lord has been showing me how the gift of discernment affects our relationships. Here are some examples from real people – can you relate to any of these?
Whenever I’m around my mother, she drives me nuts! It’s not just what she says, it’s how she says it. I can’t explain it. Like if anyone else said those words, I could ignore it as rude or just someone else’s opinion but when she says it, I feel like I never measure up. Like there’s something fundamentally wrong with me. How can I find a way to enjoy being with her?
My aunt is Debbie Downer. If I say, “What a beautiful day it is!” She will reply, “Look at those clouds over there – looks like a storm is coming.” If I say, “I’m so glad the sun is shining today after all that rain we had this week.” She will say, “Now it’s too hot and humid!” How can I handle this constant negativity? I want to love my aunt but she has this cloud of energy around her that sucks the life out of me whenever I’m around her. I hate to admit it but sometimes I avoid her because I am so weary of the way I feel when we talk.
I have found that in some people’s presence I just can’t bear to be near them, they make me squirm inside and I start to get negative thoughts. I usually try to avoid those people, but one of them is a relative and I cannot avoid them entirely. What can I do?
My discernment has gotten a lot “louder” lately. I feel like I keep avoiding people and places because I don’t like how they make me feel, which shouldn’t happen because I am a child of God – I’m an overcomer. Why do I feel so broken?
When I talk to my husband, I can tell when he’s not really listening with his heart. He’s looking at me, but I can feel that he’s not really there. It’s really starting to affect our relationship. How do I explain this to him? Will it make any difference if I do?
My best friend and I are having a hard time finding somewhere to hang out that feels “safe”. Ever since we started getting closer to God and praying together more, I feel things and she sees things wherever we go – I mean, like things in the spiritual realm. We used to hang out at our favorite bookstore in the coffee shop area, but there’s too many weird things there now. Maybe it was always there and we are just now becoming aware of it. Bars are even worse! Restaurants are tolerable but if they are busy, we can’t stay there for long. Why is it so hard to just find a peaceful place to talk?
I can’t sleep at night. I know there is something going on with my older teenage son. I have a feeling he’s hanging around the wrong people again and I’m afraid he’s going to get into drugs. I asked him about it, but he denies it. But I just KNOW something is wrong. I can feel it but I don’t know how to put it into words. I feel so helpless to help him. What can I do?
Discernment is a tough gift to have when it comes to relationships. We can see right through people – we know what they often don’t know about themselves. We can feel their hidden pain – we know when the smile is fake. We hear the undercurrent behind their words – whether it’s good or bad. We can tell when someone is being honest and authentic. Or when they are lying.
What creates the challenge in most of our relationships is when what the person is saying or doing does not line up with what we are sensing. They are saying one thing, but our discernment is screaming that something else is really being said. They are doing something that looks normal on the outside, but inside we are squirming and trying to figure out why.
The difference is the Light. Discernment is like a flashlight – it reveals things that are hidden to our natural sight. Discernment lights up areas that are dark. The problem is most people are hiding from the truth. We see what they are in denial of – either good or bad. We can’t unsee it – it’s there and if you talk about it, they will tell you that you are mistaken or crazy. No, you’re not crazy – they just can’t see it (most of the time) because it is hidden. Either they chose to deny it and hid it from themselves, or they are not yet aware of it.
I remember I had a very prophetic friend and he told me things he saw about me and I had no idea what he was talking about! He would get frustrated with me because I just couldn’t relate. But then many years later, the Lord showed me what he saw and it was accurate. Why couldn’t I see if when he first pointed it out? I don’t know. I’m guessing it wasn’t time yet or maybe I wasn’t ready. (I was not consciously aware of hiding it from myself.)
This illustrates something that’s key with this gift – knowing what to do with what you perceive (see, hear, know, etc.). I think most of the time, it is for us to pray for the person. Telling them is not necessary unless you feel a specific prompting to do so. The other time you can say something is if they ask for help. Other than that, it’s pointless to say anything.
It is not easy to walk in the light and see (or feel or know) what we do. It is part of the “fellowship of His sufferings”, I believe. Can you imagine what Jesus sensed when he was on the earth? Many times in the gospels it says that Jesus knew their thoughts or knew their intentions (Matthew 9:4, Luke 5:22, John 2:24).
So how do we navigate the challenging waters of trying to have a relationship when we know too much? By the grace of God.
Let me say that it’s not YOU that is the problem. It’s not even the gift that is the problem. And it’s not your person that is the problem. The problem is the problem. There is darkness in the world. Discernment reveals that it’s there. We get to decide how to respond to that light. And learn how to love in the midst of it.
Oftentimes it can help us get free too – we might have agreement with the same thing and that’s why it bothers us SO much. For instance, when I used to have a lot of anxiety in my heart, whenever I was around an anxious person, it made my anxiety much worse. The more I worked on my own internal state and learned how to be free of fear, the less other people’s anxiety could affect me. (This is what helped me – see link below. )
The Lord showed me something the other night. We are made in His image and His image is Love. Whenever someone is resistant to God’s love, we feel it. Even if they don’t say or do anything to show this resistance, we feel it. It’s like a low hum in the background. It feels like rejection, if you pay attention to it. And it can wear you down and make you feel unwanted or emotionally drained.
You might be fine around some people and yet being around those closest to you, your friends or family, it affects you.
So say a prayer for them. Stand in agreement with the truth God is showing you through the gift of discernment. Are you seeing darkness or resistance to God’s Love? Proclaim His love will conquer all. That they are never too far away from His love. Don’t take it personally – let the Light do it’s work in your own heart.
And remember Love covers a multitude of sins. Forgive them for they do not know what they are doing (Luke 23:34). Give the burden to the Lord. Ask Him to intervene and then let it go. It’s not your responsibility to carry them or heal them.
Just be the Light and Love that you were created to be. That’s all. Just shine the Light of Love by being who you are!
Related posts:
Receive God’s Love – It Will Change Your Life!
Receiving the love of God changed my life and it still does every single day. For years I wanted to experience it but it seemed elusive. I knew the Bible verse that said God so loved the world that He gave His only son that whoever believed in Him would not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16). But I could not tangibly feel that love. Have you ever felt it?
I also noticed that no one I knew ever talked about feeling God’s love for them. I heard stories of answers to prayer and good things happening to people. But no one ever said, “Wow, I just feel so loved by God right now.” Have you ever heard anyone say something like that?
I wrestled with these questions for years as a practicing Christian. How could I ever learn to love another person if I did not feel loved by God? Love is not meant to be theoretical – it’s meant to be tangible and personal.
Maybe you’ve also struggled with this idea. Why does God feel so far away, up in heaven somewhere? Why don’t I feel loved by God? What does that even mean? What does it look like or feel like?
Lots of people explained that Jesus came as God’s Son to show me how much God loved me. Many preachers spoke about my need to accept Jesus as my savior. But that did not translate to my heart as being loved or feeling the love of God. The emphasis was always on something I had to do – I had to pray to accept Christ into my heart and life. I had to obey God’s commands or else suffer the consequences. The emphasis was on my response to what God did for me by sending Jesus.
But where was the tangible love?
I kept searching – I knew there had to be more. My heart was hungry for God’s love.
The good news is God’s love is real and now I’ve learned how to receive it. It is tangible. You can receive it and FEEL it inside of you. It will change your whole life – how you see everything around you. It gives you a HUGE shift in perspective and in the way you feel about yourself and others. It has certainly done that for me!
And it is for YOU. Not just everyone else – YOU too.
You can receive it personally. You can feel loved by God. You can know that you know that you know that God loves you, really loves you and won’t leave you, no matter what.
This is possible, even for you. Yes, I know you may feel disqualified … but please keep reading. Don’t give up now.
There’s a new little book that explains how to receive God’s tangible love so that your heart can feel it. It also gives you tools to help you overcome barriers to receiving that love – like not feeling worthy. The practical exercises in the book really helped me receive God’s love.
I hope you check it out – it’s a free download. Just click the button:
Do you know how to receive God’s tangible love into your heart? If so, how did you learn this? Please share below – that’s how we learn from each other! 😊
Thank you for reading this post – it means a lot! God bless you today! ❤️
P.S. Many people focus on the verse that says, “be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2) and they think that just means your head. But the Greek word used for mind in that verse includes the feelings – it comes from the root word that means to know God by experience, intimately, not just to know in your head intellectually.
Related Posts:
Overcome Rejection – It’s NOT Your Problem
One of the readers of this blog asked me to share some suggestions for overcoming the Spirit of Rejection. A lot of people suffer from attacks from this spirit and don’t even realize it. In fact, the reader who contacted me also had a generational curse of Rejection to overcome. But she’s determined to do it! And so can you!
I’ve met people (and you probably have too) that everyone seemed inclined to reject. It wasn’t even directly tied to their attitude or behavior – you just instantly get this feeling that you should avoid them. Guess what? That’s the Spirit of Rejection! People can be born with a curse of rejection assigned to them (from a generational curse that’s not even their fault). From day one, people reject them. This becomes particularly painful when they reach school age and NO ONE wants to play with them or be their friend. Can you relate? Or do you know someone like that? I do.
When I was in my twenties, I moved to a new city and was getting to know people my age. This one guy came across my path in a group setting and immediately, I wanted to walk away. I was surprised! I hadn’t even made eye contact with him yet and already I was repulsed. I knew something wasn’t right. As I asked the Lord about it, He showed me what the Spirit of Rejection does to someone. It was so sad. Over time, I got to know this guy and he was funny and tender hearted. I could tell he suffered a little bit from social anxiety – probably because he’d been rejected his whole life! I didn’t know then what I know now so I couldn’t help him, but I DID pray for him quite a lot and I hope he found freedom.
Most of us have experienced rejection in some form or another. In fact the fear of rejection is the number one fear that all human beings experience. Let’s talk about how to break it’s power over us!
Rejection is very painful. It can alter our view of ourselves. I would encourage you to make a list of the ways Rejection has affected you. Be very specific. For instance, I used to be afraid to walk into a room of strangers because I was afraid I would be rejected. I felt insecure about meeting new people – there was always this question, Will they like me?
Go through the list and break your agreement with the lies that Rejection has told you. For instance, one of my lies was – You should be afraid to meet new people, they probably won’t like you. That’s a lie! I had to break my agreement with those lies. If you have a hard time identifying the lie, there’s a little exercise called Lie Detector: Self Concept that can help. It’s here: https://destinysfreedom.com/freedom-exercises/ (scroll down on that page)
Then make a list of the truth about you – the opposite of the lies. For instance, “I’m not afraid to meet new people! People like me!” The Lie Detector exercise helps you identify the truth you need to hear. I did that exercise over and over and over and gathered a long list of truths that I needed to hear.
Say those truths about yourself OUT LOUD every day. Print them and tape them to the wall so you can see them and read them and meditate on them every day. You are training your brain and shifting the way you think about yourself which takes time and effort. Like a parent raising a child, you have to say it over and over and over and over until it becomes the way you think about yourself. Then people will begin to treat you differently based on these truths. I was pleasantly surprised when it started happening to me.
Here’s an example of some of the things I said about myself to cancel the rejection I had experienced:
I am accepted and I belong.
I am appreciated and acknowledged for my contributions to the kingdom family.
What I say is important, valued and received with honor and respect.
I am loved for who I am.
I receive love and respect from other people.
I have faithful, loving, close relationships. I am a blessing to others.
To be honest, when I started saying them out loud, part of my brain would say, “Yeah, right!” with a sarcastic tone of unbelief. I kept doing it anyway – teaching myself the truth. Whether I felt like it or not, I just kept doing it – like going to the gym, I was working on my muscles, getting stronger in the truth.
Two BIG keys 🔑🔑
The first BIG key for me was a revelation the Lord showed me:
You are already truly and deeply loved by God. Other people are meant to love you too. We are commanded by God to love one another. If someone doesn’t love you and rejects you instead, it’s THEIR problem, not yours! Isn’t that amazing?! Rejection is NOT your problem. 💗
Rejection is NOT your problem. 💗
Fear of rejection is what we need to heal from. But whether or not someone rejects you is NOT your problem. It’s a heart issue between them and God. Let that sink in. Ponder THAT.
The second key was identifying a lie about being alone. Feeling rejected can make you feel alone and isolated. This was another big revelation for me – it’s actually IMPOSSIBLE to be alone! If you are a follower of Jesus, you are in Christ and He is in you. You are never, ever alone – you always have all that you need. He is in you – His love, His companionship, His encouragement, etc. You belong to God. Feeling alone and isolated is an illusion! You always have a place to belong – it’s with God, Jesus and Holy Spirit. Your eternal family. 🙂
I know it can be hard to really receive another person’s revelation – so simply ask Holy Spirit, “Will you please reveal to me how I am never alone?” Or, “Will you please reveal to me how rejection is not my problem?”
Healing from the spirit of rejection takes time. You can break it’s power over you in the spiritual realm instantly, but healing your heart and changing the patterns of your thinking takes time and effort.
Here are some videos and books that helped me – my best ones for dealing with rejection:
Inheritance by Graham Cooke – I’ve listened to this one, over and over. SO good!
Father’s Love Letter – another good one to listen to more than once and share with your friends!
Experiencing Fathers Embrace by Jack Frost This is a GREAT book – totally shifted my thinking about God’s acceptance and love for me as a Father. Some of Jack’s teachings might still be on YouTube – you can search for them, if you wish. His family also offers live workshops on this topic now that Jack is with Jesus.
Daddy, You Love Me by Brent Lokker This book WILL stretch you in the way you connect with God.
Whew! That’s a lot. Take whatever works for you – this is how the Lord set me free. Now, when I walk into a room full of strangers, I’m excited! It never occurs to me that they might not like me. God adores me! Why wouldn’t they love me too? 🙂 God’s love has given me SO much confidence in social settings. I used to worry about what people thought of me all the time, but not anymore. What they think is THEIR issue, not mine! And if they don’t like me, I feel bad for them because it’s their loss! LOL 😁
I trust that the Lord will lead you down the perfect path for YOU to become completely free of rejection. It takes time, but it is SO worth it to feel comfortable in your own skin and happy with who you are.
If this post helped you today, would you add a comment and mention which point spoke to you? Or if you have already overcome rejection, please share what set you free! I love to hear other people’s stories. 🤩
Unity in Uniqueness – There’s No Other Way!
“Everyone else is __ and I’m not. I don’t fit in. I must be weird or something.”
I would venture to guess that every person has had those thoughts at some point in their life.
I just discovered that this is a LIE!
Who knew?
We tend to see patterns among our associates – friends, coworkers, family members, neighbors. Because we have a strong desire to belong, we look for those who are similar to us. We join clubs, community organizations or sports teams to be one of the gang.
Then when “everyone else” appears to be united in doing the same thing or wearing the same style or buying the same products and we don’t conform, we feel like the odd one. In fact, in some social circles, that point will be brought to your attention, like:
“You don’t like football? What’s wrong with you?”
“Come on, everyone’s having a drink. What’ll it be?”
“Are you seriously wearing THAT outfit to the party?”
People pressure us to conform to whatever they are doing because conformity feels like belonging.
But it’s NOT.
And those who know this often feel like they don’t really belong.
And they are right! 🙂
On the outside, it can look like everyone is agreed on the same thing. Like employees wearing a uniform at their job – does it make them a unified team because they all wear the same thing? No, not usually.
It’s not true connection and unity.
We are each made to be unique – like snow flakes. There aren’t two that are alike.
So when you think you are weird for not being like everyone else, stop yourself and say,
“No, nobody is like everyone else – we are all unique for a reason!”
True belonging and connection comes because we are all different. I like you because although we might have some things in common, you have your own perspective, your own personality and your own sense of humor. I LIKE that about you!
On the outside you might see conformity in a group of people, but I have never in my life met two people who were alike. Never. Even identical twins are not perfect copies of each other – they each have their own tastes, talents and interests in life.
Each person is “weird” in their own way and it is a reason to be celebrated! (not rejected)
In God’s kingdom, every part does it’s share and together God’s purposes are fulfilled. The Bible says,
But now God has set the members, each one of them, in the body just as He pleased. And if they were all one member, where would the body be? But now indeed there are many members, yet one body. And the eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you”; nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” If the whole body were an eye, where would be the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where would be the smelling? (I Corinthians 12:18-21, 17)
The whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love. (Ephesians 4:16)
We NEED our uniqueness to make the world a beautiful place!
Like puzzle pieces, we each have our own shape, our own edges and uniqueness. Some people will connect with certain parts of you and others will connect with a different side of you. THAT’S THE WAY IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE!
There’s Unity in Uniqueness – true belonging comes from truly being who we are. And not trying to be like everyone else because that’s just plain impossible.
I hope this encourages you today. It’s impossible for you to be weird, odd or strange – because there is no standard that everyone conforms to. You are meant to be different than others – that’s what makes you YOU.
Questions? Comments? Arguments against or Support for this idea? Feel free to post them below and let’s start a conversation about this.
Thank you for reading my “weirdness” and enjoying it too – I like you just the way you are. 🙂💗
By the way, this kind of reminds me of a recent post I did on the Rainbow Circle of Light. Each person had a different wavelength or color of light with which they glowed. Shine brightly! 😁
Book Review: My Descent into Death
My Descent into Death by Howard Storm is a very inspirational Near Death Experience (NDE) story about an American college art professor who has a medical emergency while traveling in Paris, France. I love reading books about another person’s experience of life after death in the heavenly realm. Unfortunately, Howard didn’t start there. He was an atheist when he died and experienced something terrible – something I hope you never see or hear in your life. I won’t go into detail – no spoilers here. But fortunately, a song from his childhood came to his mind – Jesus loves me. He sang it in pure desperation, wondering if he could ever escape this hellish place he found himself in and guess what? Jesus came to him!
The rest of the book is full of inspirational and unusual insight. Remember, he didn’t know Jesus when he died so he had no preconceived religious ideas (or not very many). So he asked a LOT of questions of Jesus and the angels – the answers he received provide some powerful truths we could all benefit from.
For instance, when Jesus told him that he needed to go back to earth, Howard was very reluctant and asked why he had to go back. He was experiencing such love and peace as he had never experienced before – you can imagine why he didn’t want to come back to earth. Jesus’ answer to him was unique.
You can save the world.
I don’t think so. I’m nobody and I’m not going to save the world. How could I save the world? Howard replied.
You are to love the person you are with.
How will that save the world? Howard wondered.
When you love a person, they will love the next person they meet, and they will love the next person they meet, and so on.
I don’t know if I can do it.
You can do it because we will help you. (“We” meaning Jesus and the angels who were with them.)
Howard was also thinking of his family – his wife and two children. Jesus told him he had to return to finish the job he had.
You have a job to do, which is to take care of the people God needs you to love. You were born to love these people. This is the job that you were created to do.
I LOVE this idea, don’t you? You have a job to do – to take care of the people in your life. Whether that’s your spouse, children, parents, siblings, friends, neighbors, etc. But it’s not “everybody” in the world – just the ones you are with – the ones you speak to, live with, visit or see each day. “You were born to love these people.” What a simple, yet profound concept.
I took my mother to a doctor’s appointment recently and as we were leaving, the doctor turned to us and said, “Take good care of each other.” That hit me with such powerful simplicity. Yes, that’s what we are called to do – every single one of us. Just take good care of each other. 💗
Reading Howard’s life story is very encouraging – his NDE completely changed his life. You can imagine what it might be like going from being a humanistic atheist to a man of faith who had actually met Jesus, face to face! How he changed his life and the differences it made in those around him is contained in the book and I am so glad! Often NDE stories end with the person waking up in the hospital, but not this one. He describes what life was like for him and how long it took to physically recover as well as process his supernatural experience. And the life choices he made afterwards profoundly changed the direction of his life and family.
He said something very powerful toward the end of the book,
Living life with faith is infinitely more rewarding than living without faith in God. Having faith gives one courage to do things one would never do, and the patience to endure the unendurable. Faith gives hope when you haven’t a clue how things will turn out. Faith gives joy when everything is bleak. Life with faith in God is so superior to life without faith that I recommend anyone to seek faith above all other things.
– Howard Storm, My Descent Into Death: A Second Chance at Life
Thank you, Howard, for sharing your story with us. We need encouragement when things look bleak in the world. We need that courage, patience, hope and joy. And most of all we need Love.
As Howard learned to apply his faith, he was amazed at how much good he could do to help others. He said,
“There is nothing we couldn’t do if enough people listened to God.”
I believe it! And as my previous post described, Jesus is already drawing people together to bring restoration to the earth. They WILL be listening to God, whether they realize it or not! 😁
If you’d like to read Howard Storm’s book, you can click here to find it on Amazon.
Do you have a book you’d recommend? Please post the title and author’s name below in the comments. I love finding good books. Thanks to Andrey in Poland for recommending this one!
Companionship with Christ
Did you know that you can enjoy the companionship of Jesus Christ?
I don’t often hear this mentioned when people discuss matters of faith. Jesus Christ is real – He’s alive and active in the world today. He wasn’t just a historical figure known for teaching people to love one another. Most people have heard that he was killed (crucified, you’ve seen the statues, right?), but did you know He also rose from the dead? (Maybe it’s a little harder to make that into a statue.)
Jesus is the only one who died, came back to life in his physical body and then went to heaven (without dying again). What’s unique is that He told His disciples before He left – I will always be with you. (Matthew 28:20)
This is not something theoretical – this is real and practical. Have you ever experienced the companionship of Christ?
The other night I was laying in bed thinking of something – praying about something that was on my mind. I can’t recall now exactly what it was. Probably worried about someone I love – that’s usually what’s on my mind before I fall asleep. As I was talking to Jesus, I became aware of His presence. One minute I was alone in the room, talking to the ceiling and the next minute I was not. He was there. It was a gentle, comforting sense that He was listening, paying attention, keeping me company.
I was reminded that Jesus said, “I will ask the Father and he will give you another Comforter.” And He promised about this Comforter, “He will never leave you.” (John 14:16)
In The Message Bible, it says it like this:
“I will talk to the Father, and he’ll provide you another Friend so that you will always have someone with you.”
That’s really unique. A Friend who will always be with you.
Companionship is really important – we are not meant to do life alone. Though if we’re honest, most of us feel alone. In our innermost thoughts and worries, no one really knows what we’re thinking or how we are feeling.
Even when surrounded by other people, many people feel alone. There’s just no way another person can know what it’s like to be YOU.
Except Jesus. He’s the exception – He can know. That’s really amazing, isn’t it?
When you allow Him into your life, He brings with Him the knowledge He has about you, about life, about other people and what they are like. And most of all – He brings His love, His comforting presence, His companionship.
He wants to be our companion in life. He wants us to enjoy His friendship – to be aware of His ever-present help and support.
I love that about Him. Think about the story of Adam and Eve in the garden. It was God who came looking for them. Why? To spend time with them. You get the impression from the story that He often came “walking in the garden in the cool of the day” to hang out with Adam and Eve. He likes our company.
I encourage you to consider the companionship of Christ. He can be with you if you’d like. Invite Him to make you aware of His presence. Talk to Him. Look for Him. Give yourself permission to enjoy and receive His friendship.
He likes you and He enjoys being with you. ❤
Looking for more? This article appears in a free ebook called Intimate Relationship with God – you can download it here. 🙂
Discernment of the Supernatural Realm 