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Symptoms of a Bad Soul Tie (& what to do about it)

Symptoms of an unhealthy soul tie:

  • You feel DRAINED by your connection to the other person. You give, they take and take and take.
  • You feel especially VULNERABLE to the other person’s opinion, either good or bad.
  • You don’t feel confident without their support. You are afraid of being abandoned by them.
  • You don’t feel free to express who you really are – you HIDE your true self or you let them dictate your decisions.
  • You are not able to express a different opinion – if you do, there’s a LOT of tension between you.
  • You are unable to make decisions on your own – if you do and they do not agree, there’s a lot of PRESSURE to conform to their expectations.
  • You feel emotionally tied to the other person even when you do not want to be.
  • You can’t stop thinking about the person even though the relationship is over.
  • You have an emotional reaction that is unpleasant when someone mentions their name or if you run into the other person unexpectedly.
  • You feel like you can’t move on with your life; you feel tied to the past with the other person.

2 people tied at the wrists

Can you have both an unhealthy soul tie and a healthy soul tie with the same person?

Yes, you can. Breaking the unhealthy soul tie can bring freedom to the relationship so that it becomes stronger and healthier for both of you. When we become intimate with someone – whether emotionally or physically – we build a bond with that person (a soul tie).  A healthy soul tie enhances your life – you draw strength from the connection. Unhealthy soul ties have a negative effect on your life. You feel tied to someone in a way that sometimes pulls you down or holds you back, even if the person has passed away or is no longer in your life.

Some of the benefits of breaking an unhealthy soul tie are:

  1. You no longer feel drained by the connection to the other person.
  2. You experience inner peace (instead of turmoil over what they may think about you).
  3. You feel free to express who you really are.
  4. You are free to have your own opinions.
  5. You can make decisions that are best for you, without the pressure to conform to someone else’s expectations.
  6. You no longer feel emotionally dependent on the other person in an unhealthy way.
  7. You are able to move on with your life (if the relationship is over or the person has passed away).

Some people have expressed concerns about what will happen when they break an unhealthy soul tie with someone in their life. Will it damage the relationship? No, but it will change the way the two of you interact. If someone has been very controlling toward you, they may notice the shift in the way you respond to them. They may not like it, but it will be healthier for both of you in the long run. Overall, the benefits far outweigh the discomfort you may initially feel. A healthy relationship can only come from two people who are free to be themselves. Breaking an unhealthy soul tie gives you that freedom.

You might encounter some obstacles as you consider whether you are ready to break an unhealthy soul tie with someone. You might not be ready to let go or you may be afraid to lose the connection with the other person. Being ready to let go is a personal choice –you have to decide when it is the right time for you. Breaking an unhealthy soul tie will not damage the healthy soul tie you have – you won’t lose the connection you have. It will be stronger and clearer instead.

2 people handcuffed holding hands

What obstacles might keep you from breaking an unhealthy soul-tie?
– you are afraid to lose the connection with the other person
– you are not ready to let go
– you feel responsible to make the other person happy (co-dependence)
– you feel guilty for wanting to be free to make your own decisions and have your own opinions
– you are afraid it will hurt the other person’s feelings or damage the relationship
– you are afraid of the other person’s reactions (retaliation, manipulation, etc.)
– you don’t know what life will be like on your own

Breaking an unhealthy soul tie can be emotional. It can feel like you are losing someone. But it is also very freeing. Some have remarked that it was like a pressure valve being released and they could finally relax. One person said they felt like the umbilical cord had finally been cut between them and their mother and they could now make their own decisions freely. A healthy sense of independence can be experienced when a soul tie is cut. You are finally free to be who you are meant to be – without the constant pressure to meet someone else’s expectations of you.

What are the signs of a healthy soul-tie?
– you feel strengthened by your connection to the other person
– you feel comforted by the other person’s support
– you feel more confident
– you experience a greater sense of well being
– you feel free to express who you really are in the relationship
– you are able to express a different opinion without fear of damaging the relationship
– you make decisions without feeling pressured to meet the other’s expectations
– you feel free to grow and become your best self

If you want to break an unhealthy soul-tie, you can do so today. You formed the soul-tie through your choices – through an act of your will. Therefore, you can now break the soul-tie, if you wish, also through an act of your will.

The Step: Soul Ties can help you determine if any unhealthy soul ties are holding you back.

Step: Soul Ties

Go to a place where you will not be interrupted. Take a few deep breaths, letting them out slowly to help you relax and to quiet your mind.
Say these statements/questions out loud and then wait for an answer. An answer may come as a feeling, a thought, a picture in your mind, a word, a memory or just an inner knowing. You can do this alone or with a friend. If no answer comes to the first question, this may not be the right time for this step. You can come back to this at another time.
“Spirit of Truth, is there anyone I have an unhealthy soul tie with? (pause and wait for an answer)
“Is there anything I need to forgive this person for?” (pause and wait for an answer)
Focus on an image in your mind of this person and say out loud, “I forgive you for __________________. I release you from the harm you caused me. I let it go.” (pause, release any emotions that come up)
Then say, “I break the unhealthy soul tie between me and you. I send back any part of your soul that I have kept and I take back to myself any part of me that you kept. I release myself of this connection in my soul. God, please restore my connection with You in this area of my soul.”

Take deep cleansing breaths – opening your heart to receive God’s Love. ❤


Forgiveness is an important part of breaking an unhealthy soul tie. If you are holding a grudge against someone, it ties you to them emotionally. If you try to break the soul tie, but you don’t forgive them, you won’t be able to break the power they have over your life. You’ll still feel connected to them, even if that person is someone you’d rather forget. If you need help choosing to forgive (you know you need to, but you are having trouble), here’s a helpful article (look for the PDF download).

To learn more about Soul Ties, you can read this post: Human Soul Ties

Excerpt from Freedom through Forgiveness: The Power of Forgiveness Can Change Your Life, Second Edition © 2012. Reprinted with the author’s permission.

Intimacy with Jesus Christ

Having a deep, personal relationship with Jesus Christ is better than any relationship you can have with another human being anywhere in the world. When you know Him and you allow Him to know you (to come into your heart and life) – it’s the best thing you can ever experience. I don’t even have words to describe the incredible benefits that this life-giving connection has on your body, soul and spirit.

We all long for connection. To feel like someone “gets” us or understands us on a very deep, personal level. Have you ever had a special experience happen to you and afterwards you immediately thought of that one person you wanted to tell? Why did you think of them specifically? Because you share a very personal connection with them and they would understand why that experience was so special to you.

That’s called intimacy – when we know someone well and they know us well. We often share that kind of intimacy with family members – we’ve known each other all our lives so there’s a certain degree of intimacy. They remember what we were like as kids or they were part of significant events in our lives. Shared experiences build a certain kind of intimacy.

But even then, there’s a deeper intimacy we can have with someone where we CHOOSE to share ourselves with them. We find that one special person that we like and trust. It might be a family member or a best friend. With this person, we share our more personal thoughts and emotions, our dreams and our fears – the kind of things we don’t share with just anybody. We reserve them for that special person.

Jesus Christ can be that special person, if you let Him.

One thing that’s really cool about Jesus Christ is that He’s God’s Son. God knows everything! So when you become close to Jesus, He already knows everything about you. I love that. No need to keep secrets or wonder if you should tell Him something – He already knows! This makes Him a great friend because He already knows your favorite color, your favorite music or movies or books, your favorite flavors, your favorite places, etc. Usually it takes a long time for someone to care that much about you to learn those kinds of things and remember them. He already knows all that stuff! (And He loves who you are!)

He also remembers everything. This is helpful when you are dealing with something from your past that you need to talk to someone about. He was there. You can talk to Him about anything because He knows what happened and He can empathize with your emotions about the event (good OR bad or both). This is so incredibly comforting. He lived on the earth so He knows all the stuff we struggle with – the good, the bad AND the ugly. He really knows what it’s like so you can trust Him to understand what you’re going through. He wants to be there for you. And He’s a GREAT listener. ❤

No one understands like Jesus Christ. He “gets” you like no one else on the face of the planet can. He feels what you are feeling. He knows what you are thinking. He loves to hear your voice and to have you talk to Him. Like He literally gets excited to know that you want to talk to Him! He waits to hear your voice.

So, what are you waiting for? Just talk to Him. From your heart. Be honest. Be real. Just be yourself.

Then do it again the next day. Then the next. Pretty soon you’ll be very close and you’ll wonder how you ever made it through a day without spending time with Him.

I hope this has encouraged you. Please feel free to share any thoughts that this post inspired in you.

Looking for more? This article appears in a free ebook called Intimate Relationship with God – you can download it here. 🙂

 

Human Soul Ties

Rating: Educational

What Is A Soul Tie?

Human relationships can be a little taste of heaven or a little taste of hell, depending on the health of the relationship. Often we experience unhealthy relationships because our soul is trying to get another person to meet our needs. People do meet some of our needs for companionship, comfort, love, etc. But when we look to them as our Source of Love – that’s when it becomes unhealthy.

When we become intimate with someone – whether emotionally or physically – we build a bond with that person. We draw strength from the connection. This is what forms the foundation for family and a sense of belonging in a home or community. Some refer to this bond as a soul tie.

There are healthy soul ties and unhealthy soul ties. A healthy soul tie enhances your life – it makes you a better person, it provides strength and support for you to become all that you can be. You might see this kind of healthy soul tie between a husband and wife or between a parent and child.

Unhealthy soul ties have a negative effect on your life. You feel tied to someone in a way that sometimes pulls you down or holds you back. At one point in your life, the soul tie might have been a source of strength, but now it is not. Often this happens when a child grows up and the parents (or the child) have a hard time letting go. The child wants to move on with their life, but they feel a tug or pull to stay close to mom or dad. This can happen even if the person is no longer living – their memory or their desires for your life can still pull on your heart in an unhealthy way.

Another common unhealthy soul tie is with a person with whom you had a past intimate relationship. This could be an old boyfriend or girlfriend, a past roommate or even a best friend. Someone that you spent a lot of time with and shared your life with – especially if you were physically intimate with this person – there’s a good chance you have a soul tie with them. If the relationship is over, but you still have a reaction whenever you hear their name or you still dwell on memories of them, it is likely there is an unhealthy soul tie there. Some part of you is still connected with them and it may be holding you back from fully enjoying your life now.

Soul Ties

Here are some common symptoms of an unhealthy soul tie:

  • You feel emotionally tied to the other person even when you do not want to be.
  • You can’t stop thinking about the person even though the relationship is over.
  • You have an emotional reaction that is unpleasant when someone mentions their name or if you run into the other person unexpectedly.
  • You feel like you can’t move on with your life; you feel tied to the past with the other person.

Can you have both an unhealthy soul tie and a healthy soul tie with the same person? Yes, you can. Breaking the unhealthy soul tie can bring freedom to the relationship so that it becomes stronger and healthier for both of you.

Some of the benefits of breaking an unhealthy soul tie are:

  • You experience inner peace (instead of turmoil over what they may think about you).
  • You feel free to express who you really are.
  • You can make decisions that are best for you, without the pressure to conform to someone else’s expectations.
  • You are able to move on with your life (if the relationship is over).

 hands bound together

Forgiveness is an important part of breaking an unhealthy soul tie. If you are holding a grudge against someone, it ties you to them emotionally. Forgive them from your heart and let it go. Then you can break the unhealthy soul tie. If you try to break the soul tie, but you don’t forgive them, you won’t be able to break the power they have over your life. You’ll still feel connected to them, even if that person is someone you’d rather forget. If you need help choosing to forgive (you know you need to, but you are having trouble), here’s a helpful article (look for PDF download).

Break-The-Ties

How to Break a Human Soul Tie

When you are ready to break an unhealthy soul tie, here’s how you do it. Say these things OUT LOUD.

1. Forgive them: “I forgive _(name)_. I release him/her from the harm he/she caused me. I let it go.”

2. Break the tie: “I break the unhealthy soul tie between me and __(name)___. I send back any part of their soul that I have kept and I take back to myself any part of me that they kept. God, please wash me of this connection and restore my connection with You in this area of my soul.”

Excerpt from Freedom through Forgiveness: The Power of Forgiveness Can Change Your Life, Second Edition © 2012. Reprinted with the author’s permission.

Relationship Brings LIFE

Rolland and Heidi Baker are known for the impact they have made in Pemba, Mozambique. Here Rolland shares what gives them the motivation to keep feeding the hungry, taking care of orphans and working on development in such a desperately poor country. It really makes sense to me, but it’s not what you’d expect him to say. People come from around the world to study their “program”, trying to understand what makes it so successful. His answer is unique.

Rolland-Heidi-Baker

Our years in Pemba, Mozambique have been tumultuous, intense, filled with demonic attacks, violence, threats, opposition from the government, discouragement, theft, loss, disappointments, failures, staff turnover, and the constant, unrelenting demands of extreme poverty and disease all around us. It almost always seemed that our capabilities and resources were no match for the challenges we faced every day, resulting in a level of chaos and stress that literally threatened our health and lives. Heidi and I remember many times when we did not know how we could continue. What motivates us to keep going? How do we stay patient and upbeat when the outlook seems bleak, yet again? It is not found in anything external. It is found in the secret place of relationship with Jesus. Without relationship we are the living dead. When we turn away from relationship to pursue anything else, we lose. We have no strength to give or love anyone.

Relationship  is all that Jesus cares about, all that motivates Him. He could do many more amazing miracles and dazzle the world with His powers, but He is interested only in relationship. The entire creation, all the grandeur of the physical world, and all His works are designed to serve one thing: Relationship.

There is no pressure in genuine relationship. It brings the utmost peace, and washes away all tension. It is the point of living, the substance of existence, the atmosphere of heaven. It motivates to heroic heights, bringing out our best.

As our Perfect Savior, Jesus provides us with relationship. For this He died and rose again on our behalf. And from this tree of life, we can branch out into more and more relationship with those all around us.

We were never meant to be alone for a moment. Our whole motive is to live life and do everything together with our God, to take pleasure in His company always. Our power to live comes entirely from our satisfying relationship with Him.

His presence pursues us. He Himself follows us, responds to us, and takes pleasure in making us happy, for we make Him happy. We care how He feels. We satisfy His longing. To stay close to Him is no effort, but a relief, a release, a door to freedom. – Rolland Baker

Excerpt from Iris Newsletter posted July 16, 2014, www.irisglobal.org