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Overcome Rejection – It’s NOT Your Problem
One of the readers of this blog asked me to share some suggestions for overcoming the Spirit of Rejection. A lot of people suffer from attacks from this spirit and don’t even realize it. In fact, the reader who contacted me also had a generational curse of Rejection to overcome. But she’s determined to do it! And so can you!
I’ve met people (and you probably have too) that everyone seemed inclined to reject. It wasn’t even directly tied to their attitude or behavior – you just instantly get this feeling that you should avoid them. Guess what? That’s the Spirit of Rejection! People can be born with a curse of rejection assigned to them (from a generational curse that’s not even their fault). From day one, people reject them. This becomes particularly painful when they reach school age and NO ONE wants to play with them or be their friend. Can you relate? Or do you know someone like that? I do.
When I was in my twenties, I moved to a new city and was getting to know people my age. This one guy came across my path in a group setting and immediately, I wanted to walk away. I was surprised! I hadn’t even made eye contact with him yet and already I was repulsed. I knew something wasn’t right. As I asked the Lord about it, He showed me what the Spirit of Rejection does to someone. It was so sad. Over time, I got to know this guy and he was funny and tender hearted. I could tell he suffered a little bit from social anxiety – probably because he’d been rejected his whole life! I didn’t know then what I know now so I couldn’t help him, but I DID pray for him quite a lot and I hope he found freedom.
Most of us have experienced rejection in some form or another. In fact the fear of rejection is the number one fear that all human beings experience. Let’s talk about how to break it’s power over us!
Rejection is very painful. It can alter our view of ourselves. I would encourage you to make a list of the ways Rejection has affected you. Be very specific. For instance, I used to be afraid to walk into a room of strangers because I was afraid I would be rejected. I felt insecure about meeting new people – there was always this question, Will they like me?
Go through the list and break your agreement with the lies that Rejection has told you. For instance, one of my lies was – You should be afraid to meet new people, they probably won’t like you. That’s a lie! I had to break my agreement with those lies. If you have a hard time identifying the lie, there’s a little exercise called Lie Detector: Self Concept that can help. It’s here: https://establishingthekingdom.com/freedom-exercises/ (scroll down on that page)
Then make a list of the truth about you – the opposite of the lies. For instance, “I’m not afraid to meet new people! People like me!” The Lie Detector exercise helps you identify the truth you need to hear. I did that exercise over and over and over and gathered a long list of truths that I needed to hear.
Say those truths about yourself OUT LOUD every day. Print them and tape them to the wall so you can see them and read them and meditate on them every day. You are training your brain and shifting the way you think about yourself which takes time and effort. Like a parent raising a child, you have to say it over and over and over and over until it becomes the way you think about yourself. Then people will begin to treat you differently based on these truths. I was pleasantly surprised when it started happening to me.
Here’s an example of some of the things I said about myself to cancel the rejection I had experienced:
I am accepted and I belong.
I am appreciated and acknowledged for my contributions to the kingdom family.
What I say is important, valued and received with honor and respect.
I am loved for who I am.
I receive love and respect from other people.
I have faithful, loving, close relationships. I am a blessing to others.
To be honest, when I started saying them out loud, part of my brain would say, “Yeah, right!” with a sarcastic tone of unbelief. I kept doing it anyway – teaching myself the truth. Whether I felt like it or not, I just kept doing it – like going to the gym, I was working on my muscles, getting stronger in the truth.
Two BIG keys 🔑🔑
The first BIG key for me was a revelation the Lord showed me:
You are already truly and deeply loved by God. Other people are meant to love you too. We are commanded by God to love one another. If someone doesn’t love you and rejects you instead, it’s THEIR problem, not yours! Isn’t that amazing?! Rejection is NOT your problem. 💗
Rejection is NOT your problem. 💗
Fear of rejection is what we need to heal from. But whether or not someone rejects you is NOT your problem. It’s a heart issue between them and God. Let that sink in. Ponder THAT.
The second key was identifying a lie about being alone. Feeling rejected can make you feel alone and isolated. This was another big revelation for me – it’s actually IMPOSSIBLE to be alone! If you are a follower of Jesus, you are in Christ and He is in you. You are never, ever alone – you always have all that you need. He is in you – His love, His companionship, His encouragement, etc. You belong to God. Feeling alone and isolated is an illusion! You always have a place to belong – it’s with God, Jesus and Holy Spirit. Your eternal family. 🙂
I know it can be hard to really receive another person’s revelation – so simply ask Holy Spirit, “Will you please reveal to me how I am never alone?” Or, “Will you please reveal to me how rejection is not my problem?”
Healing from the spirit of rejection takes time. You can break it’s power over you in the spiritual realm instantly, but healing your heart and changing the patterns of your thinking takes time and effort.
Here are some videos and books that helped me – my best ones for dealing with rejection:
Inheritance by Graham Cooke – I’ve listened to this one, over and over. SO good!
Father’s Love Letter – another good one to listen to more than once and share with your friends!
Experiencing Fathers Embrace by Jack Frost This is a GREAT book – totally shifted my thinking about God’s acceptance and love for me as a Father. Some of Jack’s teachings might still be on YouTube – you can search for them, if you wish. His family also offers live workshops on this topic now that Jack is with Jesus.
Daddy, You Love Me by Brent Lokker This book WILL stretch you in the way you connect with God.
Whew! That’s a lot. Take whatever works for you – this is how the Lord set me free. Now, when I walk into a room full of strangers, I’m excited! It never occurs to me that they might not like me. God adores me! Why wouldn’t they love me too? 🙂 God’s love has given me SO much confidence in social settings. I used to worry about what people thought of me all the time, but not anymore. What they think is THEIR issue, not mine! And if they don’t like me, I feel bad for them because it’s their loss! LOL 😁
I trust that the Lord will lead you down the perfect path for YOU to become completely free of rejection. It takes time, but it is SO worth it to feel comfortable in your own skin and happy with who you are.
If this post helped you today, would you add a comment and mention which point spoke to you? Or if you have already overcome rejection, please share what set you free! I love to hear other people’s stories. 🤩
Symptoms of a Bad Soul Tie (& what to do about it)
Symptoms of an unhealthy soul tie:
- You feel DRAINED by your connection to the other person. You give, they take and take and take.
- You feel especially VULNERABLE to the other person’s opinion, either good or bad.
- You don’t feel confident without their support. You are afraid of being abandoned by them.
- You don’t feel free to express who you really are – you HIDE your true self or you let them dictate your decisions.
- You are not able to express a different opinion – if you do, there’s a LOT of tension between you.
- You are unable to make decisions on your own – if you do and they do not agree, there’s a lot of PRESSURE to conform to their expectations.
- You feel emotionally tied to the other person even when you do not want to be.
- You can’t stop thinking about the person even though the relationship is over.
- You have an emotional reaction that is unpleasant when someone mentions their name or if you run into the other person unexpectedly.
- You feel like you can’t move on with your life; you feel tied to the past with the other person.
Can you have both an unhealthy soul tie and a healthy soul tie with the same person?
Yes, you can. Breaking the unhealthy soul tie can bring freedom to the relationship so that it becomes stronger and healthier for both of you. When we become intimate with someone – whether emotionally or physically – we build a bond with that person (a soul tie). A healthy soul tie enhances your life – you draw strength from the connection. Unhealthy soul ties have a negative effect on your life. You feel tied to someone in a way that sometimes pulls you down or holds you back, even if the person has passed away or is no longer in your life.
Some of the benefits of breaking an unhealthy soul tie are:
- You no longer feel drained by the connection to the other person.
- You experience inner peace (instead of turmoil over what they may think about you).
- You feel free to express who you really are.
- You are free to have your own opinions.
- You can make decisions that are best for you, without the pressure to conform to someone else’s expectations.
- You no longer feel emotionally dependent on the other person in an unhealthy way.
- You are able to move on with your life (if the relationship is over or the person has passed away).
Some people have expressed concerns about what will happen when they break an unhealthy soul tie with someone in their life. Will it damage the relationship? No, but it will change the way the two of you interact. If someone has been very controlling toward you, they may notice the shift in the way you respond to them. They may not like it, but it will be healthier for both of you in the long run. Overall, the benefits far outweigh the discomfort you may initially feel. A healthy relationship can only come from two people who are free to be themselves. Breaking an unhealthy soul tie gives you that freedom.
You might encounter some obstacles as you consider whether you are ready to break an unhealthy soul tie with someone. You might not be ready to let go or you may be afraid to lose the connection with the other person. Being ready to let go is a personal choice –you have to decide when it is the right time for you. Breaking an unhealthy soul tie will not damage the healthy soul tie you have – you won’t lose the connection you have. It will be stronger and clearer instead.
What obstacles might keep you from breaking an unhealthy soul-tie?
– you are afraid to lose the connection with the other person
– you are not ready to let go
– you feel responsible to make the other person happy (co-dependence)
– you feel guilty for wanting to be free to make your own decisions and have your own opinions
– you are afraid it will hurt the other person’s feelings or damage the relationship
– you are afraid of the other person’s reactions (retaliation, manipulation, etc.)
– you don’t know what life will be like on your own
Breaking an unhealthy soul tie can be emotional. It can feel like you are losing someone. But it is also very freeing. Some have remarked that it was like a pressure valve being released and they could finally relax. One person said they felt like the umbilical cord had finally been cut between them and their mother and they could now make their own decisions freely. A healthy sense of independence can be experienced when a soul tie is cut. You are finally free to be who you are meant to be – without the constant pressure to meet someone else’s expectations of you.
What are the signs of a healthy soul-tie?
– you feel strengthened by your connection to the other person
– you feel comforted by the other person’s support
– you feel more confident
– you experience a greater sense of well being
– you feel free to express who you really are in the relationship
– you are able to express a different opinion without fear of damaging the relationship
– you make decisions without feeling pressured to meet the other’s expectations
– you feel free to grow and become your best self
If you want to break an unhealthy soul-tie, you can do so today. You formed the soul-tie through your choices – through an act of your will. Therefore, you can now break the soul-tie, if you wish, also through an act of your will.
The Step: Soul Ties can help you determine if any unhealthy soul ties are holding you back.
Step: Soul Ties
Go to a place where you will not be interrupted. Take a few deep breaths, letting them out slowly to help you relax and to quiet your mind.
Say these statements/questions out loud and then wait for an answer. An answer may come as a feeling, a thought, a picture in your mind, a word, a memory or just an inner knowing. You can do this alone or with a friend. If no answer comes to the first question, this may not be the right time for this step. You can come back to this at another time.
“Spirit of Truth, is there anyone I have an unhealthy soul tie with? (pause and wait for an answer)
“Is there anything I need to forgive this person for?” (pause and wait for an answer)
Focus on an image in your mind of this person and say out loud, “I forgive you for __________________. I release you from the harm you caused me. I let it go.” (pause, release any emotions that come up)
Then say, “I break the unhealthy soul tie between me and you. I send back any part of your soul that I have kept and I take back to myself any part of me that you kept. I release myself of this connection in my soul. God, please restore my connection with You in this area of my soul.”
Take deep cleansing breaths – opening your heart to receive God’s Love. ❤
Forgiveness is an important part of breaking an unhealthy soul tie. If you are holding a grudge against someone, it ties you to them emotionally. If you try to break the soul tie, but you don’t forgive them, you won’t be able to break the power they have over your life. You’ll still feel connected to them, even if that person is someone you’d rather forget. If you need help choosing to forgive (you know you need to, but you are having trouble), here’s a helpful article (look for the PDF download).
To learn more about Soul Ties, you can read this post: Human Soul Ties
Excerpt from Freedom through Forgiveness: The Power of Forgiveness Can Change Your Life, Second Edition © 2012. Reprinted with the author’s permission.
Discernment of the Supernatural Realm 